The Meeting Comes First, Here’s How To Get It.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the hidden job market and the three pools of network most senior tech leaders sit on without ever using them. But since posting, I’ve had a number of jobseekers ask me “Well how do I actually get the meeting? And once I’m sitting across from someone, what do I say?”

Fair question. Here’s the follow up.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐓𝐨 𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠

Most people overthink the ask and underthink the reason. You don’t need a reason to catch up with someone you already know. You need a reason that isn’t “I want a job.” That’s the part that makes people hesitate before they hit send.

The right ask changes depending on who you’re approaching. Here are three that work, matched to where the other person sits relative to you.

𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮

If you’re reaching out to someone more senior than you, a former boss, a Head of Tech, CIO or CTO who’s a rung or two ahead on the ladder, one of the most effective openers I coach candidates on is this.

Ask them how they got to where they are.

Not in a vague way. Ask about the actual path. Was there a moment they took a risk. Was there a specific framework or approach they used to move from operator to leader. Did they have a mentor, a sponsor, a lucky break they can point to.

People who’ve built a career they’re proud of generally want to talk about how they built it. It’s not flattery for the sake of it, it’s a genuine question that gives them the floor, and it gives you real intelligence about the path ahead of you. You walk away with insight you couldn’t get from a job ad, and they walk away having enjoyed the conversation. That’s the whole mechanism. No angle beyond that.

𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐮𝐞

The ask here is simpler. You don’t need a framework, you need five minutes and a specific reason. “I’ve been thinking about what’s next and I’d value your take on how things are moving in your world” is enough. People say yes to specific, low pressure asks. They say no to vague ones.

𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮

These are often the easiest meetings to get, and the most underused, particularly the ones who were junior under you and have since fast tracked into a senior role, sometimes now in a position where they can hire or influence hiring themselves. There’s real warmth and history, and no awkwardness about the ask. The angle here is genuine interest and pride in their progress. “I’d love to hear how things have gone for you since we worked together, your trajectory has been impressive and I’d value hearing how you’ve approached it” works well, because it’s true, and because they’re often now sitting in exactly the kind of organisation, and seat, you’d want visibility on.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐭𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐀 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐒𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐭

Whether you’re naturally confident in these settings or you’d rather do almost anything else, the structure below works the same way. Preparation removes the need for confidence. You don’t have to be smooth if you’re prepared. Walk through these three things, in this order, before you sit down.

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

Before anything else, know the one sentence that describes the problem you solve and who you solve it for. Not your job title, not a summary of your CV. A positioning statement is the line that tells someone, fast, what you’re genuinely good at and why it matters to an organisation like theirs.

A rough example, for a technology transformation leader, might sound something like this. “I take organisations through the messy middle of a platform change, the part after the business case is signed off and before anyone can see results, and I get them to the other side without the wheels coming off.” That’s memorable, it’s specific, and it gives the listener something to repeat about you to someone else later, which is exactly the point.

Write yours down. Say it out loud a few times before the meeting so it doesn’t come out sounding like you’re reading off a card.

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐭 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞

Once you’re in the room, this is the single best thing you can bring to the conversation, and it costs you nothing. A short, genuine observation about where your part of the market is moving. Something like “I’m seeing more organisations move away from big bang transformation toward smaller, staged delivery at the moment.”

It does two things at once. It shows the person you’re still switched on and connected, not someone sitting at home refreshing SEEK. And it gives them something worth repeating to their own network, which is often how your name starts moving before you even know it.

Let the other person talk first, whichever script above you’ve used to get the meeting. Bring your market insight in naturally when it fits the conversation, not as an opener. And near the end, plant the seed once. Something like “that all sounds really aligned to what I value, if something were to come up I’d be genuinely interested.” Then move on. Don’t ask for a job, and don’t circle back to it. One mention lands, three feels like a pitch.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲!

None of the above works if you don’t come across as genuine while you’re doing it. Authenticity, in this context, simply means the gap between how you actually feel and how you’re presenting closes to nothing, so there’s nothing for the other person to detect.

You can have the sharpest positioning statement, the best market insight, and the most polished framework question, and none of it lands if the person across the table senses you’re performing rather than present. Senior people in particular have sat through hundreds of conversations where someone wanted something from them. They can tell the difference between a real question and a rehearsed one within about thirty seconds.

Use everything above as structure, not a script. The questions should come from actual curiosity about the person in front of you, because they usually are genuinely interesting people, that’s part of why you wanted the meeting in the first place. Preparation removes anxiety. Genuine interest is what actually builds the relationship. You need both, and the second one can’t be faked convincingly for long.

𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠

Send a short thank you within a day or two, referencing one specific thing they said. Generic thank yous get forgotten, specific ones don’t. And note what you learned somewhere you’ll actually look at again, six months from now you won’t remember which contact mentioned a hiring freeze or a restructure unless you wrote it down.

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐍𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐫

If small talk doesn’t come naturally to you, the positioning statement and the market insight do a lot of heavy lifting. They give you something concrete to say that isn’t “so, how’s work,” and they shift the pressure off you and onto a genuine, prepared line. You don’t need charisma if you’ve done the preparation. The leaders who get the advocacy I described in my last piece aren’t the smoothest talkers in the room. They’re the ones who left people with the sense that the conversation was real.